Riddle me this, Batman…
The “semi-barbaric” king of an ancient land uses a unique form of trial by ordeal for those in his realm accused of crimes significant enough to interest him. The accused is placed alone in an arena before two curtain-draped doors, as hordes of the king’s subjects look on from the stands. Behind one door is a woman appropriate to the accused’s station and approved for him by the king; behind the other is a fierce (and starving) tiger. The accused then must then choose a door. If by chance (or, if one prefers, the will of heaven) he picks the door with the woman behind it, he is declared innocent of all charges and set free. However, as an added caveat, he is also required to immediately marry the woman on the very spot, regardless of his wishes or his current marital status. If he is unfortunate enough to pick the door with the tiger waiting behind it, the hungry beast will certainly, and immediately pounces upon him–his guilt thus proven, supposedly. And in the most gorey way possible.
One day this stauchly traditional king discovers that his daughter, the princess, has taken a lover far beneath her station. The king quickly decides the fellow is an obvious candidate for trial in the arena. On the day of his ordeal, the lover looks from the arena to the princess, who is watching in the stands, for some indication of which door to pick. While, even the king doesn’t know which door hides the maiden, the princess has made it her business to find out, as her lover knew she would. She makes a slight but quite definite gesture to the right, therein which the young man follows immediately and without hesitation. He opens the right door…
But, before this it should be made aware, dear listener: that our lovely princess knows and quite despise the maiden waiting behind one of the doors. For that maiden is one of the princess’s attendants, whom the princess suspects of being throughly infatuated with the princess’s lover, and the mere thought of that maiden dancing out of the arena with the princess’s lover, as his blushing bride all but drives her to madness. However, while “semi-barbaric” herself, our woeful princess is quite nearly as maddened at the horrendous prospect of witnessing her beloved torn to bloody little bits before her very eyes.
In either case, the princess knows her lover is lost to her forever. She has agonized over her decision, but by the time she arrives at the arena, she is resolute, and she makes her gesture to the right unhesitatingly.
“And so I leave it with all of you: Which came out of the opened door – the lady, or the tiger?”
This little dilemma comes to us from “The Lady, or the Tiger?” a short story written by Frank R. Stockton in the magazine The Century in 1882. And has been discussed ever since, but my readers I wonder just what decision you all believed the princess made. Did she send her beloved to marry a woman she despised but spare his pitiful life? or did she send him to his doom to prevent the man she loved from betraying her.
Well at worst it will separate the pessimistic realists from the optimistic idealists – Hedgehog
I offer my most sincerest apologies. It has been a LONG time since Hedgehog and I have posted anything. My bad. (Or as my English teacher would have us say, Me ineptum, because if you are going to use bad grammar at least do it in Latin.) I would like to say I have a grand and noble reason for our long hiatus. Sadly, the truth is- as usual -much more depressing and disappointing. Hedgehog and I got a little distracted over our Christmas vacation and just never got back into the rhythm of writing everyday. Sorry, we shall try better for the duration of this blog.
What else should I talk about? I entered the big bad adult world of work today. It was absolutely dreadful. Allow me to explain myself. I have been building web pages for local businesses in my town from one of my classes at school (Production) and with the school year almost over I have been scouring the town for a summer job. Alas, to no success. A few days ago, though, my teacher came up to me and offered me a recommendation to this place that had come to her looking to hire a student to build their site. No biggy right? After all I’ve done this plenty of times before! So I show up and interview. And surprisingly actually get hired. Then they drop the big bomb on me. They want me to use a program I have literally never heard of before. So I show up for work today. It has taken me over two hours just to download the program and I am not even done installing it yet. This is so complex and I think I am screwing it up so badly. I cried on the way home. Seriously thinking about quitting and giving the company the number of a guy I know that actually does this for a living. We’ll see how tomorrow goes I guess.
Today we will travel back in time. Way, way back to fifth and sixth grade. Those were the years. Somehow you had nothing to do but were always busy. Specifically, we are traveling back to fifth and sixth grade dances. Remember those? Your first experience of partying? You go to the local rec. center and drink soda until 10 o’clock. That was fun for everyone right? Wrong. Today I found out who had the least amount of fun at those dances. The chaperones.
Surviving: Chaperoning Dances:
- Runners. Oh my god. The energy levels of these ‘darling’ children. Almost the entire night goes on with you shouting Walk Please! As children run by blatantly ignoring you. Or they take three walking steps, think you’re not watching them and then start to run again. Sometimes, you even get to chase a kid across the room to yell at them. Fun, fun, fun. But wait, there’s more…
- Soda Shakers. What is it about small children and fizzing soda? I think it’s due to the fact that their parents give them iPhone’s, iPod’s and 20+ dollars to go to a freaking school dance. They will buy a soda, for nothing other than to shake it up and have it explode everywhere. Guess who got to clean that mess up? Oh, you guessed the child? Wrong, because apparently we can’t hold children to consequences. No that would mean they would learn something from that. No, instead let’s have the volunteer chaperone do it. Yes, brilliance.
- Crying Girls. Ahhh. The world is ending. Johnny broke up with me! I know we only started dating during recess, and can’t technically date because his mom refuses to drive us anywhere. But he was still the one and only love of my life. AHHHH!!!! Try to tell a small child that their life won’t end because Johnny likes Suzy better. Ya, see how that goes. Also, good luck removing her 30+ friends who are like “go smack him! make it dramatic!” Psh. you’re like 10. go dance, eat some candy. You’ll forget about Johnny in like a week.
- Bathroom Hangers. Why is it so popular for young girls- maybe boys too, I don’t know, that wasn’t my job– to hang out in the bathroom at a dance? Do you know how disgusting those floors are? I do. Don’t lay on them. Don’t sit on them. In fact, attempt to never use a public restroom ever again. I mean ever.
- Hat Thieves. When I was in fifth grade hats were illegal. Don’t even think of smuggling that crud in here. These days however, they are everywhere. It is so adorably hilarious to see small children with gangsta hats running around. Don’t even get me started on all the girls stealing the boys hats and wearing them around. Oh, yes girl, subtle. Joe gets it. We all get it. Please give the hat back.
- Dancing? The question mark is because I am not sure if it technically counted as dancing. There was certainly a lot of flailing. Oh, and plenty of jumping too. Other than that…. I don’t even know how to describe the –uh– movements that occurred.
- Screaming. You will always know what song is popular with the kiddo’s. They will be sure to AHHHHHHAJKLF:EINE:JEIOJOIE!!!! Scream. They’ll be sure to scream when ever their favorite song comes on. Might I suggest bringing noise canceling ear plugs with you? My ears are still ringing from when the DJ played You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful.
Please, share any other stories from when you chaperoned a school dance. Also, leave ideas for surviving saturday’s in the comments because, yea, I have been slacking lately. I’m going to try to be better about posting on time.
Dear Readers and Squirrel –
And it is Romeo and NOT Ryan… just ridiculous Squirrel, honestly…
Okay storytime darlings. Squirrel and I went on a little adventure to the theatres today, and saw the recent zombie film. To be specific, romantic comedy zombie film, Warm Bodies. Which to be truthful, was actually quite entertaining. Funny, endearing, sweet… in sort a great evening for the animal siblings. Where the conflict arose was from a silly little comment made at the every end of the film.
One of the two main characters, the zombie boyfriend, has a little memory issue. Poor dead bastard can’t quite remeber his name. All he does remember is that it started with an “R”. This is later commented on by his female counterpoint Julie “aka” his Human love intrest. So he is called “R” throughout the rest of the film. Even after the cute sappy ending he decides to formally adopt the letter as his permenant name.
Now it is only natural that after the credits, we viewers may begin to speculate on the zombie’s original moniker. Now what I thought really funny is that I was the only one to draw the Shakespeare connection. I mean its fairly obvious really. His name is “R”, her name is “Julie”, and there is a cute balconey scene in the middle of the movie. R is for zombie Romeo, and Julie is his little living Juliet. Cute right? Romeo and Juliet, with zombies.
Though Squirrel still furiously insists the actor looked more like a Ryan… nonsense if you ask me…
And you know what? Even with the whole Zombie Apocolypse beating down our intrepid heroes.
This version still manages to end better for the couple than the original version – Hedgehog
The internet is this fabulous resource, right? It can connect you to hundreds of different people from all over the world. It gives you resources you could never find in your library. And of course it allows you to easily watch television series from a multitude of different countries. This is the part of the internet which is currently trying to murder me via sleep deprivation. I discovered two new shows on the internet I love. One from South Korea, Faith, and a Canadian television series, The Listener. Both of these shows demand all of my free time to discover what happens next. Freaking Faith is just like the Walking Dead. There is ten minutes of action at the beginning. Thirty minutes of nothing. Finally, ending with a three-minute cliff hanger. It is enough to drive me bonkers!
Without the internet I might actually have more time to do my homework –nah, that still would have been procrastinated on– or hang with friends. Sadly, no. My time is divided up as such: 40% at school, 10% at clubs, 45% watching these stupid shows which will drive me insane, 3% thinking how I should be doing something else other than watching this show, 1% telling myself “only one more episode”, and 1% sleeping.
What about you guys? Any shows you discovered and became obsessed with? Leave it all in the comments!
Dear Readers and Squirrel –
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Before I begin, it is necessary for me to post a warning for my more squeamish readers. Today’s post will be of a moderately disgusting and grotesque nature. Thus, it may not be entirely suitable for all readers. So please read at you own discretion. And don’t blame me after you find you hed planted firmly in the toilet down the hallway, no matter how much cursing my name may make you feel better.
Would you believe that someone actually requested I do a post on this? Well I sure didn’t think it would happen, but far be it from me to deny a request from a reader, no matter how strange. Dear God Help Me.
To begin, let us first understand that our bodies are very much like our houses. May not always be pretty and the actual value is almost always lower than our estimate, but they get the basic job done. Now it just so happens that this particular house has a few tenants in it, besides you lovely selves. And like most renters, they range from the good, the bad, and the outright ugly. Few of those tenants will be down right helpful: shove the drive way, tend to the garden, or help with repairs. But then there are those other boarders that cook meth in the basement and blowing you garage up with homemade explosives.
Yep, today is all about those gross crawlies that live inside you poor sods. And since I don’t want to make this any worse than it is already going to be, I shall refrain from using any “striking” pictures. Cause I will tell yo folks, there are things out their YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO KNOW. Heck I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. That, and Squirrel mentioned something about not disturbing people… or something… didn’t really pay much attention… probably should have… oh well…
Okay let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Definition wise, a parasite is any creature that makes a living off another animal, however it should be noted that not all parasites are harmful. And its a pretty cool little set up they got, just sneak in and set up shop in another creature’s body and devour it from the inside out. Or possibly not do any significant damage what so ever. In fact, several parasites are actually beneficial for their host.
Many of the critters living in the human body do help out with day-to-day affairs, and many others are so unobtrusive that we don’t pay any mind to at all.
Now these helpful little bugs are called mutualistic parasites or take part in a symbiotic relationship with their host. And this covers the relationship that we humans have with the roughly 100 trillion microbes running around inside our bodies as I speak. Most earn their keep by killing harmful bacteria in the body, forming protective barriers on our skin, and aid in the digestion process.
Now this process is called commensal symbiosis, or when only one of the participants in the relationship is aided while the other is unaffected. One of the best examples of this is the Eyelash Mites or follicle Mite. It’s exactly what it says on the tin, they are teeny tiny little arthropods that like to live in any hair on the host’s face. They usually just hang on close to the follicle and eat the oils secreted from the glands in the skin cells. But as gross as it sounds, it is completely harmless to you. So don’t worry, or at least don’t freak out too much. Since you should probably save the freaking out for the next section.
Now as gross as they are, you gotta admire the parasite sometimes. In all honesty they are pretty darn vulnerable, most are pretty squashable. But the conniving little creatures are still able to take down much larger beasts than themselves. And in this group of nasty buggers we have a couple of categories:
Protozoa are single-celled organisms that most often move on their own. They commonly get into the host through drinking water or through the saliva of a tick or a mosquito. Great company these guys keep. And once they get in, their one mission is to knock you down. One fantastic example of Protozoa is the Naegleria Fowleri, or the brain eating amoeba. Now that is a name to run really fast away from if there ever was one. This horrible little beast likes to live in warm bodies of fresh water and enter the body through the nose and work their way to the forebrain via the olfactory bulb. Where it then feed on you nervous tissue, resulting in swelling, and 99% of the time… Death. So boil you water kiddies…
Which are the ones I really recommend you never ever Google, because there are things you just can’t unsee folks. Their the disastrous house party tenants. Meaning they breed so fast that soon your whole body is full of the things. Though if you live in a developed country: have clean water, outlets, or an internet connection to be reading this post. You are most likely neer gonna have to see this little bastards. It really under developed countries that live in terror of these guys. One example is the roundworm, which enter via mosquito and can cause elephantiasis, or lymphatic filariasis. Which results in ungodly amounts of swelling and inflammation.
The Creepy Crawlies
Yea, not particularly scientific I know, but apply named in my humble opinion. I consider these guys the ones that feed on you from the outside. So ticks, scabies, beg bugs (which are real folks and disgusting), lice, and crabs (not the crustaceans). But far less worse then worms as they tend not to be as lethal, but still pretty damn gross. But at the same time tend to set off more paranoia… Feel them crawling on you yet?
The Absolutely Unbelievablely Disgustingly Terrible
My catch all category for the worst of the worst. Like the Fly Bot that lays its eyes under you skin. Which then feed on you until they are ready to burst out. Or the Candiru, a parasitie catfish, with a nose for urine. So next time you think about urinating in the amazon, just don’t… it has to be surgically removed… from your… well you get the point…
Okay, now that I’m throughly disgusted I’ll just be slinking off to my cave for a little cry…
Please, dear readers. I beg of you. Please, ask for less distressing posts – Hedgehog
As many of our older readers will most assuredly recall, college is a time of learning. Getting accepted into college is easy. Funding the endeavour however, not so easy. Each college gives you a number that they will be willing to give you when you apply. The thing I have learned recently is everything I was told as a child was a lie. Everything regarding to college at the bare minimum.
As a youth there are two things we are told. If you are good in school, that is get straight A’s and a 4.0 unweighted GPA, then you will get big scholarships. Don’t forget to partake in meaningless school activities. This includes sports you suck at, and clubs that will suck up more of your time than necessary. With these you can trick a college into thinking you are a well-rounded individual. We haven’t even begun talking about the countless hours you spent volunteering at your local library over the summer.
Forget all of that bologna. College will cost more than they are willing to give you. That is unless you are the child who got a perfect ACT or SAT score. In which case, congratulations! Please stop bragging how you didn’t even study even though we all know you studied because before you wouldn’t stop saying how you couldn’t hang out because you were studying for that particular test. If, like me, you happen not to fall under the perfect test taker category you have a few other hopes to rely on. 1) Perhaps you are a minority and can get a crap ton of smaller scholarships. Unfortunately I am whiter than an iPhone. 2) Chances are you are the most eloquent writer since Mark Twain. Excellent because you know have to write 10 million essays for every single $300 scholarship available under the sun. Somehow you have to manage to make that essay better than the other 1 million competing against it and saying the exact same hackneyed “pick me! pick me! please pick me! I will give you my first unborn child if you pick me!” response.
Can you tell I am a little stressed? AHHHHH. I will have no hair remaining by the end of this process. Please forgive me for my infrequent blogging through out this semester. I am currently drowning in the sea of life attempting to climb on a college lifeboat with the captian repetitively smacking me on the head with an oar screaming “Go away and come back when you have some real money!”.
Dear Readers and Squirrel –
Inspired by my puzzle post last time, I went riddle hunting and came across a very interesting puzzle. But first let me pose a simple riddle to you all.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man whom she did not know, nor had ever seen before. She did, however, think the man was amazing, so much so, that she came to believe him to be the man of her dreams. And soon enough she had fallen madly in love him. Except, in her excitement, she did not manage to acquire the man’s phone number and was unable to find him again. Then in the next few days, the woman murdered her sister.
Question: What was the woman’s motive for killing her sister?
(Give it some thought before you answer, its simpler that you would first belive)
Answer: The woman hoped that the man would appear again at the funeral of another family member
Interestingly enough, this was a quick question posed by a famous American Psychologist to determine if the person answering had a similar mentality as a killer. Sort of like a killer litmus test, though by no means fool-proof, just a quick and easy way to seperate the sheep from the clearly murderous wolves. Though it should be noted that many of the serial killers that took part in this test answered the question correctly.
So what was your answer? – Hedgehog
Dear Readers and Squirrel –
It is now, my dear readers, that I must profess my love of chess, word games, riddles, ciphers, codes and all things puzzling. What can I say? Nothing feels quite so satisfying as figuring out a particularly tricky puzzle or solving some long forgotten mystery. I always did love those Who Done Its or reading mystery novels. It’s always exhilarating to outwit a particularly clever opponent.
And after a boring day of classes I’m in the mood for some tricks. So how about it readers? What to play a game? No worries, It won’t be the old Iocane powder in the wine glass, kind of battle of wits. I’m not Sicilian enough for that. Instead I’ll just post a two riddles up and see if you, my clever readers can tell me their anwser. But to make it interesting, I’m going to encode them. Nothing too difficult though, as it is our first round. I use a famous code and see if you can figure out the riddle and answer it.
Since it is the firt round, I’ll even give you the name of the code:
.– …. .- – / .. … / .. – / – …. .- – / -.– — ..- / -.-. .- -. / -.- . . .–. / .- ..-. – . .-. / –. .. …- .. -. –. / .. – / – — / … — — . — -. . / . .-.. … . ..–..
OZSL OSDCK SDD VSQ GF ALK ZWSV?
Best of Luck 🙂 –
Dear Readers and Squirrel –
Recently, I’ve been thinking about frogs. Odd stuff I know, but this is what happens when college starts back up again and I’m bored to tears by syllabus reading. Seriously always with the Syllabus… ever year same start, gets real old, really fast.
That and I like frogs. Yea I know, I’m the weird girl who actually doesn’t mind Tommy stuck a frog in her locker as a prank. The little guys were always just sort of endearing to me. Ungainly but somehow agile and graceful at the same time. They look so funny, but can snipe a fly out of the air with deadly accuracy. A pile of quirky contradictions all piled together in a green little animal.
Frogs feature prominently in a lot folklore, fairy tales and popular culture. They tend to be portrayed as benign, ugly and clumsy but with hidden talents. Examples include The Frog Prince and Kermit the Frog. Everybody and the Auntie should know “The Frog Prince”. Silly little fairy tale your Mum would tell about a frog that turns into a handsome prince after he receives a kiss from a beautiful princess (mind you the original story didn’t go so well). And my older readers should recognize Kermit the Frog. He was often portrayed as the only sane creature out of motley cast of The Muppet Show. While, openly friendly and greatly talented, he was often dismayed by the ridiculous antics of his fellow muppet.
Toads, meanwhile, have a much more sinister reputation. But anyways, it was believed in European folklore that they were associated with witches as their familiars, or pets. So of course they had magical powers. The toxic secretion from the toad’s skin was believed to be used in brewing evil potions. However, it was just as often used to create “magical” cures for both humans and their livestock’ ailments. They often were associated with the devil. In John Milton’s “Paradise Lost”, Satan was depicted as a toad pouring poison into Eve’s ear. (Don’t right liable if you ask me)
Which I always thought was pretty unfair. Wasn’t their fault they were just a little more lumpy and stouter than their frog relatives. They always seemed wiser or sagely, in comparison to their careless and foolish relatives. After all, a toad will always look before he leaps, while a frog looks only after he has landed squarely in the pot.
Remember, the things and creature we think look scary, are more than often more frightened of us – Hedgehog
ps. Except for Honey Badgers… They mean business…