Surviving Saturday: A Murder of Essays

Dear Readers,

As you may recall. I procrastinated like a boss. Ten essays due monday. With procrastination this amazing comes stress like a rhino horn shoved up your spinal column. So how is one supposed to write ten essays essentially in one day? Listen close my fellow procrastinaters. I will tell you the magic of my ways…

Surviving: A Murder of Essays:

1.  Freak out. This step is essential. Don’t hold back. Eliminate the stress. Let it all go. Here are my personal favorites ways of freaking out.
   1. Cry. Show the stress who is boss. Gather it all up and release it from your eyes. If someone should make fun of you for crying. Well, we all know you are a boss. After all your shoving your stress right out of your eyes! Kick their butts! Then return to releasing the stress, or move on to step two.
   2. Complain. After all, if your day is going to be miserable why not spend it with someone else who is equally miserable. It just makes you feel better. Even if they totally hate your whining. Make sure to make it sound horrible. As if Satan himself has dropped a load of poo-poo on you and only you are capable of freeing the world from his feces. (Sorry for that mental picture).
   3. Complete mental break down.  Depending on the level of procrastination you managed, use this is a last resort. If the world will literally end due to your procrastination… Fake a mental break down. This will take some determination. You need to get committed to an institution. It will take an awful lot of work. Your gonna have to–ah, who am I kidding. You’re obviously not going to put the effort into faking a mental break down. Just procrastinate some more. Skip to step 2.
2.  Pull your stuff together. Just man up, or woman up as the case may be, and get it done. The world won’t end. You could do a pretty crappy job and honestly no one would really care. Usually the only person you hurt in procrastination is your self. Just learn from your mistake and don’t do it again. Unless you are a surgeon and procrastinated learning an operation. I swear to god one of my biggest fears is being on the operating table and having an out-of-body experience where the surgeon says, “Okay, now pull up the wikiHow article.” If you procrastinated something that serious, just quit. Give up. Do patients everywhere a favor and go into Taxidermy. At least there you won’t accidentally remove a leg.

In other news I managed to finish 10 fairly good essays in one day. Level of awesome? Chuck Norris.

So leave your procrastination stories in the comments. Together we can conquer this problem….tomorrow.

Regards,

Squirrel

Challenge Friday: Three Things.

Dear Readers,

We have our first reader submitted challenge!

If you could only bring three items with you on a trip. What would you bring, why and how would you use them?

So if I were on a trip to the alps, but my plane was struck down in a storm. Other than the clothes on my back, what would I bring to my little stranded island?

1. Dora’s backpack. This thing just happens to carry everything! Want a chocolate bar? Fine, just sing a song. Need an umbrella? Sing the song. Granted the song would get very annoying after a while.Wait, I know how to get that obnoxious song out of my head! Get an iPod, granted, first you have to sing the song…
2. A knife. Mostly because I don’t think a Disney backpack would carry the six-inch blade I require to cut things. You know like rope, trees, and things.
3. The book The Complete Idiots Guide to Surviving Being Stranded on an Island so I can adapt to my surrounding. Also, because surviving sounds like an excellent idea. What fun would it be being dead on a deserted island? I’ll tell you what fun. None. None fun. Take that grammar!

So basically, I’m set for life now. Got my backpack who gives me everything I want. Oh, dang I think I have to pick my item out of a line up in spanish. Heres to hoping that four years of Spanish would get stuff. Haha, I knew that class had to be good for something! Got my knife, for cutting, slicing, dicing, all your basic knife needs. And I have my book. Yes, technically it hasn’t been written yet, but I have some time to get that to happen first before my trip.

Leave and ideas for next week’s Challenge Friday in the comments. Hedgehog and I will write about whatever you tell us to!

Regards,

Squirrel